As I was watching an intense swimming round in the Olympics the other day with my family, my mom suddenly asked me: “Which country are you rooting for?” I looked at her, confused for a minute, and replied: “Uh…USA of course. Who else?” To which she said: “Oh, what about the Chinese?”
I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised that my mom was cheering when the Chinese swimmer won gold, but I never before realized that I have never questioned which country I “belonged” to. So easily, I identify as American, although I am of 100% Chinese descent. I mean, I look 100% Chinese, I technically am 100% Chinese, and I check the “Asian/Pacific Islanders” box on forms, but I still see myself as an American at heart and in my mindset. I guess it’s just another one of those labels with which society tends to organize people; it’s easier to look than to understand.
While writing this post, I’ve found it difficult to express this feeling of “split identities” (it’s taken me about 30 minutes just to formulate the last 2 paragraphs), because I don’t think I quite understand yet. The conversation with my mom somehow inspired me to think about this though, so I’m just putting out observations and trying to come to as many conclusions as I can. Bear with me. 
I know that although I see myself as an American through and through, I’m still quite not sure what that means. What are those fundamental ideals that make me American? We have long celebrated our notions of freedom and equality here in the States, but I think that viewing those values as uniquely “American” is a bit outdated by now. Many other countries have the same luxuries we have, and we must also consider how much “freedom” is too much, and when that will begin affecting our social well-being. Regardless, I do know that I’m proud to be both American and Chinese, because I still cherish and keep close my Chinese heritage, yet I feel loyal to my home country. I am certain that my way of looking at life and future experiences will be heavily influenced by my Chinese upbringing though, so being Chinese still plays a huge role in my life.
Another observation I have is that whenever I visit China, I don’t feel quite at home. And as a child, it used to bother me a lot, because I saw how happy my parents were because it was home to them. And what made it more difficult was that I looked like I should belong. And now that I think about it, I realize that what defines the US is truly the “melting pot,” so to speak. Here, although the majority is still Caucasian, I don’t feel misplaced just based on what race I’m perceived to be. I don’t see race as a fundamental difference here, but that may be due to my rather privileged and sheltered upbringing.
And it’s interesting, because my best friend is half Asian, half Caucasian, but she identifies much more with her Asian side. I find her philosophies, emotional thinking, even her artwork (she’s an amazing artist) distinctively belonging to a more eastern culture. And she says that when she’s in Taiwan, she feels at home and peaceful, which is starkly different than my experiences. I’m not sure why that is, but I feel that both of us are quite lucky to be able to have such a strong sense of self that we’re able to craft our own “cultural identity” by using more than just race as an influence.
- C
I love this. I think we can embody multiple cultures just as much as we do multiple roles in life — mother, sister, friend, cousin, wife, frenemy, etc.!
Extremely interesting post – To be honest I wouldn’t feel quite at home if I went to Africa however, I could possible feel at home in England – bizarre isn’t it?
Katie
Creative Business
MontrealDSL
Root for everyone
A very good post. I suffered from an identity crisis too, but on a far smaller level (I moved from one end of Ireland to the other.)
I’ll be following here from now on
I root for a few places. For the USA obviously, but when Italy does something fabulous, I always cheer for them, too.
I’ve never been to Italy, but my oldest brother has been, and he remarked that he actually was surprised at how comfortable he felt while there.
I feel the same way when looking at Israel. I am a Jew, I am an American. I know that in Russia a time ago if you were Jewish you categorized as that before being Russian. I feel at home in Israel as much as I do in America. It’s a strange feeling…
I don’t even know how to reply to this besides saying, I know how you feel! I’m half Filipino =] anyway, great post!
I think many of us suffer from split identities, even if we’re all the same race. We have so many thoughts/beings/essences/ideas within. It’s hard. Very good post. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Great blog, I really enjoyed it. Of course I know my ancestry, but my family has been in America since 1640… so I jokingly say that we’ve been here so long and are so mixed up at this point that we’re just ‘mercans. Thanks for the post.
Although I have no personal experience with this issue I found this to be thought provoking, insightful post. It reminds me of a poem we did at GCSE English (if only I can remember what it was called) Thank you for sharing
I know what you mean! My paternal side is Jamaican, My maternal side is Grenadian/English and I am English, BUT I grew up here in the USA (age 7-22)… Needless to say, I feel that England is my ‘home’ so I cheer for team GBR and USA as a secondary. In Track and Field, however, the entire household will be cheering for Jamaica so I think I’ll tag along there. I guess for you, at least both possible teams are rocking it in medals…?? haha! brilliant post!
I identify this through language. My father is French and my mother is American. I love visiting France and seeing family there, but I don’t know if I ever really felt at home in France. I’ve never felt unhappy, yet I’ve never lived there. My friends and my American family live back in the States. I have no problem speaking French and I am proud to be bilingual. But like you, I’ve always considered myself an American, first and foremost.
So, you’re in two different ‘boxes’. One is some man-made line drawn on the globe. Viewed from space, the line does not exist.
The second box . . . is perpetuated by the term ‘race’. I prefer to think we’re all one – the human – race. And I’m happy for all the diversity.
Root for the cutest contestants, irrespective of the more mundane categories.
I completely agree with you there. Although born and raised and proud to be Pakistani, I do see myself as more of a global citizen. I do not like to boxed in.
I root for Pakistan in hockey, wanted to root for China in Gymnastics till I saw how amazing Gabby was. Then I switched to rooting for her. Wanted to root for Michael Phelps in swimming, rooting for Turkey in weightlifitng, basketall and soccer, because of my husband. And rooting for the Indians in badminton. And that really cute Hungarian in fencing.
My daughter has been committing several Olympic Adoptions per day for the past week. If your flag is Red, White, and Blue, AND the USA isn’t competing, you just became my daughter’s pet team lol It’s really sweet. She’s always so proud of France.
I actually did an art piece on this during college; I’m half Filipina and half caucasian, and don’t really consider myself one or the other. I hate having to chose which to identify with since each comes with its own strengths and weaknesses. For example, when I’m traveling in another country, I tend to refer more to my Filipina side so they don’t lump me in with the other Americans who come to the country and act improperly. But at the same time, I rebel against many of the traditions and gender roles of the Philippines.
I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied with my identity, but that’s not necessarily a handicap.
I am rooting for team GB, Canada, and Jamaica. I am Canadian through and through and that feeling of being Canadian only gets stronger as I continue to live outside of the country. It is nice however to be able to adopt various identities but one will always feel the most authentic and that is what we should get behind. I think one problem contributing to an identity crisis is that people are still quite narrow and they see a skin colour and match it up with a nationality. On a side note China is killing it right now, I think I am going to root for them now!
I would cheer for the country that is the strongest in that specific category… Take the best from both countries, right?!
At least that’s how I do it…
I really get your point about feeling guilty that you don’t fit in because you LOOK like you should fit in. I am American-English but grew up in a very normal white town in Britain…as a Muslim. Yeah I know, it just doesn’t sound right. So I looked like everyone else while not really being one of them. It is a really strange experience, feeling like your race marks you out and pigeonholes you into a category of how you’re meant to feel, think, be…Incidentally I just wrote a poem on multiple identities, post about five minutes ago. I guess having a split identity makes you think more about who you are, which must be a good thing.
I find this post and the commments really interesting. Cultural identity fascinates me. I did my undergrad dissertation on it and I still enjoy reading about all this.
I’m always torn when it comes to rugby because I’m part Welsh and part Scottish!
Same happens to me. I have immense pride in my Italian descent. My buds know me as “the crazy tall italian chick.” If there was a history report on a country during school, there would be an unspoken rule that I had dibs on Italy. But I also have pride in America during the Olympics because of the freedom and opportunities it gave my family and I that Italy never could have.
I’m not trully an American, but have been living here for the past 12 years. And I’m starting to feel a bit more comfortable here than at my country of origin. Which is even weirder…
Anyways, not sure also who to hoot for. Just hoping both countries won’t compete on team sports (although I’m almost sure they will, oh well…) Funny thing is that I saw this post in Freshly pressed and thought it would be nice, but not enough to make me click on it. Until I see my cousin who is back “home” adding a FB post about how good the US basketball team was. I liked it right away. And that’s what trigger the same questions on me.
A few years ago, when I still felt a foreiner here, there used to be a series of adds in TV that showed lots of people from different origins and with different accents saying ‘I am an American’. I used to think ‘what tha heck! how come those foreign people lose their cultural identity to the point of proclaiming themselves an American when they are clearly not?’ Well.. gues what? I’m starting fell that I could tell myself “I am an American”, even though I haven’t even applied for citzenship yet ;o)
Your thoughts are very intriguing (:
Great post! Watching the Olympics, I’ve also thought about my “dual identity.” The weird thing is that I’ve never really been that in touch with my Korean culture, but when I watch a sport where a Korean and a Canadian (I was born and live in Canada) are competing, I actually want the Korean to win. I dunno why that nationalistic pride comes out.
But like you, I think I’m much more a Canadian (as you are an American) and yet I can’t deny that my Korean/Asian heritage has shaped me as well!
My young daughter, though completely caucasian, also has all kinds of mixed feelings on identity. She’s an American, but she’s never lived there. She was born in Hong Kong and has spent her young life living in England and China. Interesting post!
Great post, and lots of food for thought. Personally, I used to feel insanely jealous of my friends who had some other culture to celebrate and identify with (and on some level I suppose I still do). My friends who are Korean, or Jewish, or Mexican, or XYZ, have so much culture, history, and tradition to draw from. As an American girl with a vague sense of being half German and maybe half English (no one seems to know for sure), I feel a bit lost, too.
Perhaps that’s what it means to be American – to recognize that we may be from somewhere else, yet have still found a home and an identity here. It’s kind of beautiful to think about it like that.
Wow, thank you for everyone’s feedback! I enjoyed reading about some of your own experiences and reflections; everyone’s rich sense of cultural identity is fascinating to me. The comments have shown me many sides of cultural identity that I haven’t thought about. I was especially struck by Loni Found Herself’s comment on being American: “Perhaps that’s what it means to be American – to recognize that we may be from somewhere else, yet have still found a home and an identity here.” I hope that, regardless of race or ethnic background, everyone has a country to be proud of and to call home.
hehe <3
I thought that was an excellent post! Growing up a “military brat” – I have had the privilege to see various cultures, and backgrounds blending together … even just to play on the monkey bars! Having friends of all races, and spending the night, eating dinner, and seeing how different “American” households operate was a blessing.
I’m half Portuguese, but my mum is British and I’ve always lived in England – she wouldn’t even learn Portuguese so me and my siblings don’t even speak it
but whenever we visit family in Madeira, I love the island so much. I couldn’t feel more English, but I still hope theres a part of me connected to my dads culture. I’m proud of it!
Interesting read
This is great and is just what I needed to read before embarking on developing my social enterprise Identity Detective. I felt you hit the nail on the head when you said “it’s easier to look than to understand.” Often the mis – understanding leads to confusion, judgement or at worst all the -isms that go beyond culture but are connected to a sense of belonging at the core. I love that you see the similarity and uniqueness in your friend and I hope to create opportunities mainly through the arts so that myself and others can celebrate who they are at their full potential. Thanks for re- minding me there is a need. Go Team China/America!
I can completely relate. I think I suffer from having more than two cultural identities. I’m Indian and grew up in 3 countries outside India. I’ve been in India for the past 7 years now as an adult and I still don’t think I can call it ‘home’. I feel more relaxed in another country though I do love my own country. It’s like they say about third culture kids – ‘you like being in the ethnic minority’. That’s absolutely true.
I can completely understand how you feel because even I find myself rooting for the countries I lived in. Happens, because our upbringing really makes us different.
Great post and congratulations on being Freshly pressed!
I loved this topic. It made me think differently. Loved your selfassesment.
Great post!
Personally, I feel like a strong sense of identity, whatever it may be, paves the way for a healthy esteem. I remember my final year in high school and presenting my fine arts portfolio to my teacher. I never really understood the underlying theme with my works, but my teacher pointed out a strong sense of finding one’s identity evident in my pieces. Ever since then, I’ve always been fascinated with how identity takes root within an individual, which definitely drew me towards reading your post. I loved it!
Very interesting read. My OH is British but his parents were Indian and he seems to have exactly the same problem as you: looks Indian, sounds English, would not feel 100% comfortable in India, yet his mindset and behaviours are largely influenced by his Indian roots… In sports, he mostly supports England or GB but there are events where he will support India over them. To complicate things even more, I’m French and we live in London. Identity is going to be a tough one to crack if we’re ever blessed with kids!
Don’t worry – if you are blessed with kids they will have the opportunity to know the best of all your cultures – it will enrich their lives. And they will be flexible, open-minded and have fantastic language skills if you or your husband teach them any other languages
Great post! I have a bit of a “split-identity” too. I’m French, but I’ve lived in the UK for the past 15 years or so. Whenever I go back “home”, I can’t really follow conversations, because most of my references are now British. And when I come back to the UK, the first thought that crosses my mind as I open the door is “Home, sweet home!” I feel at home in the UK, even though I still consider myself French. I guess I’m Franco-British.
So many of us have the “dual identities” in culture, gender and our country. Thanks for giving us some great thoughts on the experience. Congrats on FP!
Really interesting post, congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
So well said, thanks for sharing
Really enjoyed reading this post! I identify well with both my British and Chinese side, although I must admit it was only within the last couple of years that I’ve really embraced my Chinese heritage.
P.S. I’ve been cheering for both GB and China
Well said. Glad I got to see this on FP!
I love this, though I never really suffered about ‘Identity Crisis’ or something like that but I really enjoy reading this.
Great post, I’m white British, my husband is Thai and our son is of course half of each. We all lived in London together until this year when we came to Thailand. Like the USA, London is all a melting pot and I didn’t appreciate how we all just blended in, until we came to Thailand where two out of three of us now stand out! But by the time our son grows up, being mixed nationality will be the norm and also hopefully and advantage because of the flexibility and open-mindedness he will have learnt, not to mention the language skills.
Pingback: Olympics: the Humanity Event | Emotional Endurance Training
Hello! I’m like you, 100% Chinese but grew up in the U.S. I think one of the most fascinating things about people is that we can all have similar experiences, but ultimately different reactions.
I really enjoyed your post and wrote a response to it. If you have the time, take a look?
http://emoent.wordpress.com/2012/08/08/olympics-the-humanity-event/
P.S. I love John Keats. Have you seen the movie “Bright Star”? It’s a brilliant drama on the last three years of his life – his career, his poetry, and the love of his life, Fanny.
I absolutely agree. It’s also amazing how complete strangers can connect and share such different reactions to similar experiences. Thank you for linking me to your post – I’ll be reading it shortly!
Isn’t he great?
And no, I have yet to see it, but that sounds really cool so I’ll check it out!